The final assessment went in, with the usual angst and terror. It came back with all Nina’s encouragement, advice and observations. I have decided not to use the final piece for my course assessment for purely selfish reasons. I like the piece but I love the fourth one more; that was an endurance test of revising, editing and thinking. Nina was unrelenting in her advice to each inch of progress I made in the fourth assignment.
I shall return to the final assignment in the near future once the final assessment notes have been decided upon.
I have been thinking about what the course has taught me and what I can carry forward to other projects and challenges. This is the most difficult part of any of the courses, being able to put into words how the experiences, dramas and difficulties have shaped you. Life encroaches and distorts what you write, how you write and even the act of writing or wanting to write reflects back onto your life itself so that some experiences become observational fodder when you should be just in the moment without the dark-half taking in every detail, hearing every word or catching nuances that can be stored, emphasised and manipulated later. My partner describes every course as having a moment where I “changed gear” and accelerate. To my mind in this course I know it was the third assignment, Mixed up, a wholly course inspired piece.
There was something immediate about an exercise where a repetitive action would be described; I saw myself and my best friend mixing cement - I the youth and him the almost a man figure. Both stripped to the waist, shovels in hand, dust rising and the sun beating on us. The only problem I have is once I have written and in some case re-written and re-written a piece, give it a few months and I cannot recall all the details of what I have put down. I can read the piece again, months and years later as if someone else sweated through the creative process. My habit now, thanks to this course and previous courses, is that I am an immediate writer; pulling out my notebook at the most inopportune moments or disappearing off to the toilets to jot down a spoonerism from a relative in a restaurant.
The course or more importantly Nina, my tutor, has taught me that while I can jot down the ideas, see how it unfolds into a story, the elements that gravitate onto it throwing the narrative this way and that, I must not be precious about taking a sledge-hammer and smashing it into bits to create a more believable, fascinating and fantastic story. It’s a lesson of getting over myself; not viewing a finished piece as perfect, a character too essential or a vision unable to be discarded.
Would I do things differently? Yes - I would have a blog that asked questions after every assignment or even better, every exercise so I could track my way minutely. Maybe I shall make this an element of my next three courses.
For now I have to write my overview, tracking my modifications, explaining that change of gear and justifying my growth. I am lucky. I have enjoyed this course despite real life changing mine and my partners world beyond recognition; survived a very real crisis of confidence when stress could have stopped me going further - thanks to this blog keeping me writing - and, most of all, having a tutor who nudged, suggested and worked like mad to fuel and direct me.
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