Websites and insights...

A few days ago I was stuck. Not stuck exactly in the writer-block-thing but more the exercise that the Writing for Children Course had suggested was consuming me and causing me stress. I have experienced this kind of thing before....so I bit the bullet and sent an email to Nina Milton (Tutor and lifesaver). 

As always she told me that I should move on, my email, while rambling (my opinion), demonstrated that I had learned the intended lesson and I needed to forge ahead.The dam burst and I was back reading through the course looking at structure and recognizing plot, plot types and story models easily. The enthusiasm flooded back.

One exercise calls for you to look at interviews with Jacqueline Wilson and Sophie McKenzie talking about how they write - trouble was that the websites listed either had changed or been dropped - no joy. It annoyed me I must confess BUT after a few minutes of frustration I moved to my personal book list read so far and began to surf. I looked up the sites for David Almond, Patrick Ness, Derek Landy and Michelle Paver. 

It is clear that the process of writing and plotting is as varied as the writers themselves - no news there I guess - each one fits the writer and I concluded that finding what fits me might be the hardest part of this chapter. 

Derek Landy – (website/blog entry address – http://dereklandy.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/up-for-air.html) writes in his blog how he hammered out the plot to his book in  84,726 words BEFORE he pushes forward with the writing itself. I saw this as his way of building the scaffolding or bones of the story before the flesh is applied (ironic because the book includes a magical skeleton detective!).

David Almond advocates an organic approach - writing, playing with words and day dreaming - he doesn't mention plotting in the way that Landy does. 

And then on the OCA website ( http://oca-student.com/node/66680) I listened to Jacqueline Wilson talking about how she writes; rising in the morning and writing five hundred words (about half to three quarters of an hour) and then she has "written something". In my opinion this is someone who feels the pressure to produce (which we all do) and if you have written a certain amount then you have DONE something.

This I can relate to because when I have written something even if it is meandering and obscure I have little problem with my insomnia - my head hits the pillow and I am gone (if only for a few precious hours of deep sleep).  Then it occurred to me that I already do this in a way that suits me and especially works when ploughing on with the course. My partner rises very early and so goes to bed around half eight in the evening (spending 30 minutes with head in book) - I sit down at my computer at that time and allow myself 30 minutes for emails and catching up with news headlines etc. After 30 minutes has passed I start work - whether it is exercises, re-reading or writing something for the course assignment.

The OCA website videos and the reading of the advice of established authors shows how the process has to fit you as a writer – right from whether you prefer pen and paper first draft, computer second and then edit quickly before sending off to the agent/publisher (like Jacqueline Wilson stated in her video) or you spend over eighty thousand words plotting out your novel before you get the write the story itself. 

Hearing and reading that these authors write in so many different ways is comforting because it makes you feel, as it did with me, that it is a process and all you have to do is keep at it, find your path, because it is there and it fits you.

And if I get nothing done for the rest of this evening at least I have written this blog entry.

Walking on eggshells.....

The second assignment is in - first person narrative from the point of view of a working class boy. The theme was "Hiding" and I decided that I would create a narrative that would a child not only physically hiding but also emotionally. I was always told by my Granddad that I daydreamed too much. With his stern manner and constant chore-based energy I was discouraged from making up stories in my head - he made me feel guilty because of my flights of imagination. In his mind there was no place for it - it had no usefulness unless it solved a problem which I couldn't, at that age articulate or demonstrate.

Staring into space appears very wasteful to a practical man like he was. Even as a child and young adolescent I hid my thoughts and ideas. I have my character justify his escaping to the woods away from his father after finding his friend is not at home by him painting his Dad as a ogre. Everything in his world is a disjointed amalgam of action and fantasy; at first this was a very odd idea and the more I thought about it the harder it seemed to get. Then I remembered a child walking along a road. He was carrying a stick which in the space a few yards was a hobby-horse to ride away from pursuing marauders and then a cutlass to fight off attacking pirates...there may have been a flowing narrative in the child’s mind but that's where it was - in his mind. To any adult sat waiting in his car he appeared to be "messing about wasting time".

In the story the child escapes a local Policeman (he pictures as a Vampire - the worst kind, one that cannot be burned by the sun), escapes into the fields and woods, away from his Dad working in their garden (he pictures him as an Ogre slurping up worms from the mud and scattering the pulverized bones of children as fertiliser); then avoids a farmer (who becomes the servant of a Dragon on which he sits which is an old tractor dragging cutting equipment behind to clear a path). The final character is a belligerent farmer who becomes a grasping giant...actually he was based on a real person!

As always I made the mistake of putting in too much description - or as my partner pointed out "noticing too much, would he see that?" So I edited ruthlessly and worked and re-worked. I now have a sense of relief when putting a story aside - mainly because for the hours that I become editor rather than writer (or should that be nit-picking critic?) I inhabit another part of my brain. To put it aside and come back to it with the writers’ brain firmly back in the saddle is then a joy.

So in it went...two days early! I know - not something I am used to and I hope I put as much effort in as I think I have.

I moved on and immediately hit a brick wall that has taken nearly two weeks to figure out. The course gives a breakdown of the plot to Cinderella. It's a classic! It then asks you to re-write this classic from the point on view of four characters - easy I thought. The plot is there, the characters are all known and the setting is generic. First person narrative for the Fairy Godmother - took me a couple of days and I worked hard to try and get a flow while working. I tried to get it to be the character telling the story and filling in the plot which would not be seen in the timeline (i.e. something that happened before the Fairy Godmother comes into the story) - this was hard.

I moved on - these are exercises and as such you should work on them and move on not spend days and days re-drafting (even though I wanted to!). I began to write the story from the point of view of the handsome prince and I stalled. Third person narrative should have been easy and more flexible than the first (in my opinion) but I ground to a halt - deleted everything I had written and started again. Paused - hated what I had done and discarded it again. On the third attempt I told myself I would NOT discard; so instead I put it aside and spent a week reading instead.

It then dawned on me that the problem was that I saw the story as a classic - and that was the problem. Every time I sat down to write it felt like I was going against every telling and retelling of the story. I was cutting a Turner out of its frame, break dancing to Mozart or blowing raspberries at an opera performance. And what’s more I had no idea how to “get over it!”

The only thing I have done is read – a piece of advice that Nina Milton gave me the last time I got stuck on our previous course together. So I ploughed my way through a few articles in Children’s Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook 2013 and skipped through a few stories (short stories for teens) of Roald Dahl.

This has worked because the message from the Yearbook, from all those writers who were just like me at one time or another, is to keep going, to learn, to make mistakes and move forward. So – as I wait for the return of the second assignment I am bracing myself to get back into the classic and however carefully, walk on eggshells…..

Oddly at peace.

I knew that this course would be different, that it would change the way I work or how I see the world. I was looking forward to i, another challenging course and learning curve.
    
So - first assignment back from Nina Milton, second chapter read and exercises done. Finished Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy and found it charming, exciting, funny and characterful. The truly great thing about this course so far is the very fact that a grown man has a reason - or should that be an excuse? - to dive into children’s books. Not that I have ever needed an excuse....

The first assignment didn't feel like an assignment in the sense that it was not about me writing anything creative.

The second assignment builds on the exercises and the idea was like a brake coming off of a car parked on a very steep hill; once I started rolling it was only a matter of steer and brake to keep me on the road. The act of writing was almost a relief, having been out of sorts with prose since doing the poetry course for the previous twelve months. It felt natural and for three consecutive evenings I settled in my office, with the house silent and cautiously steered my way down the narrative hill.

I had decided to control myself by writing one third of the story at each sitting, in this way I wouldn't overwrite - a problem I have experienced before - so at the point where the word count reached around 800 I would stop, add some notes in red underneath as prompts for the next session and, if the writing had come quickly, pick my way through what I had written to find mistakes or clarify some points.

I also set myself the task to "put aside" for three days/evenings. This is always the hardest part for me; I like to tinker and think and re-read.

Tonight is the last evening I am not allowing myself to work on it. It leaves me a full Sunday to pour over what I have written, so for now I am limiting myself to post-its on what I want to change or add if I begin to think too much. For the past three days I have concentrated on reading, thinking and daydreaming - oh and jotting things down on post-its.

I am oddly at peace about this setting aside. I am not troubled or anxious. If this is confidence I wouldn't know it for sure and I am almost concerned to describe it as such; but if this is what the course is going to be like I will find it rewarding and a turning point.

Post Christmas..post assessment reply rambling

This is our first day at home which is not followed by a day where one of us will be working....yes, the partner worked both Christmas Day and Boxing Day this year and then we were both back to work on the twenty seventh.

So it feels strange because the beginning of the day was chores, cleaning and food shopping (not much as the house is still stacked with goodies and essentials in case of snow) and now, after lunch, we each struggle to have a purpose. The past few months with his concerts and rehearsals, both our work patterns and family stress and my starting the new course have robbed us of the habit of being able to relax; without thinking of what has to be done next/tomorrow/by this evening.

I open my emails and find the reply from Nina Milton, my Tutor. I feel no concern as with my previous courses and it makes me stop and question myself - is this good? Overconfidence? My partner thinks I am gaining in confidence and because I don't have much of it in my writing it feels like over-confidence. He might be right, or it could be because this was a comparative essay which to me is like thinking on the page, building a viewpoint and argument - and as I am always being told I like a good argument! It's part of my job to examine, judge and then justify my decisions....

As usual, I show bad punctuation eleven times in my essay - I am appaled with myself!

On all my courses the first assignment is the one where the word "slip" is uttered by the Tutor and I am embarrassed.

Nina is always full of good advice and guidance - and patience with my constant questions etc. But there is a new twist with "homework", I nearly laughed outloud when I read that she would be setting me homework...well...because I work from home so essentially all my work is homework!

I have finished reading The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman which is the second time I have read it and thoroughly enjoyed it. It is a growing up and away book to my mind - the graveyard is "home" to the boy, Nobody Owens. Once the residents of that home have protected, educated and nurtured him - with bumps along the road - and the immediate danger has been dealt with, Bod leaves to fulfil his dreams and have adventures, slowly being unable to see the ghosts of the graveyard. I think it is a brilliant book, written with wit, charm and imagination - perfect for children in that the shocking beginning and the adventures into other realms are deftly dealt with.

I am now reading Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy; another book that takes your hand and drags you into the pages of an adventurous and challenging hidden world.

If this had been homework when I was at school I would have enjoyed it more!

Result and more.....

In black and white I read that I had passed the Art of Poetry with 68% - a B grade. I was relieved of course that the one part of the degree that I endlessly state I dreaded was finished but then I felt a little disappointed that I couldn't reach that extra 2%. A festive glass of port and I was more philosophical - I have to focus on the course I am on and not wonder what I could have done differently.

I have written before about being an introvert and at this time of the year it becomes a huge burden for me. The Christmas Meal for my work team was on Friday and, as always, I made excuses and avoided it. To a certain extent I was telling the truth because I did have things to do; just not anything pressing or time sensitive (as our team would put it). So I went home, got on with the chores, wrapped presents and then picked up the partner.

Last night, after visits from two sets of friends at our house to exchange gifts, gossip and grumblings, we were out to a work colleague’s home for a "drop in" evening event. This is a work colleague of my partners, not mine. I was walking into a room where my partner would be the only person I actually knew - it bothered me. But then I get worried and bother when we go to parties at a friend’s home! I blame this on the control freak in me - he likes to know what is supposed to happen, what time, what he should wear and what he should take "just in case". I tagged a "one hour limit" to our visit....my partner agreed.

So, through the rain and with a hand drawn map, we made our way across our town to a charming little cul de sac and a twinkling lit terraced house. The moment we entered (me following of course) the home of Louisa I felt my social muscles relaxing. It was warm, inviting and homely with an awful lot of style, laughter, conversation and tea-lights flickering around Christmas decorations. The Hostess was elegant, very smiley, an attractive woman in her fifties who after ten minutes of us being there announced that "everyone was here" and slipped off her gold sparkly heels and went around barefoot for the rest of the evening. We were introduced in a charming way that only someone who loves to entertain and does it alot can - we were even introduced to the lurcher dog, a tan coloured, athletic specimen called Jessie. She was shy, moving around the room taking in the smell, eyeing us and approaching slowly; she attached herself to me, lying at my feet and allowing me to rub her belly.

My partner sat next to a work colleague and her partner, Rhia and John. We bantered, or rather they did and I listened and laughed and commented when appropriate. The hostess floated between us, chatting laughing, storytelling introducing her partner Dave who was fun and had a face used to smiling. By the time she sat on the floor leaning with her elbow on my thigh and chatting I was relaxed. It was then she gently started to question me....

"Are you into sport?" The question was a natural one, just been introduced and starting to find common ground and subjects after talking about dogs for most of the evening and work events. I stumbled. I thought about mentioning about the gym, about my time training in martial arts, my running in the Portland 10 two years running....but decided no.

I mentioned a passing interest in rugby and the 2012 Olympics which seemed to kick of the conversation again. She was trying to be polite but my instant reaction was not to expose myself by talking about me. There were too many people, too much noise and it was too early. Strangely - once we were home I thought about my reluctance; we had stayed two hours and could have stayed a little longer. It's about me being an Introvert, not liking to reveal, preferring to hide, to slip along unnoticed; it's not about not achieving, it's about doing what you want to do without exposing your desire, your need to achieve.

It's something I have always done and the habit is now ingrained. When asked I wanted a "job" rather than shouting from the bottom of my soul that I wanted to tell stories, to hide in the shadows and craft outrageous tales, to write! Now when I see someone consumed by a passion I tell them not to hold back, never take second best, to fight and claw and holler and if they fall to get right back up and walk on - relentlessly!

That is, in part, what I have done. I have been relentless. It's always been there - the notebooks, the post-its and the scribbled ideas hidden away - kept where no-one would see. I may not shout my desire - stand up and bellow - but I have it, it's there, constantly whispering, pleading and poiting out its need. It's not getting louder but it's getting more forceful.

Maybe if she'd asked "what is your great passion in life" I might, maybe, could have, had the courage to have answered truthfully for once....I want to write, something good, something which makes people want to read to the end, to shake, shiver, smile, laugh and put it aside, feeling happy to have read it......